Day nine... Know what got you this far.

In his biographical song, "First Family," Rich Mullins paints a picture of his life growing up in a family of seven in Indiana. With this song, he honors his parents for the example that they presented for him in their lives and dedication to their family. He wrote the song for their fortieth wedding anniversary.



It took me many years to come to this same understanding, my own revelation that it was my childhood which brought me to the point where I am today. This time built me into the man that I am becoming, the father that I am proud to be. I too, was very blessed to have wonderful parents who supported me, encouraged me and prodded me to always try to work harder. I know there were times that I did not show my thankfulness, but I suppose that is what everyone goes through at some point.

My mother is my absolute hero. At the tender age of 16, she said goodbye to her youth and hello to a chubby, white haired boy. Me. :) My birth father ducked out of the situation, leaving my mom with a sniffling, dirty diaper machine in her arms. She found resources within her family (my wonderful grandparents, uncles and aunt!) and her dear friends (Thank you Mrs. Black!) to be able to survive her teen years with a crying, fussing baby. Yet, she found help where she could. I have met so many people in my life who have told me that they changed one of my diapers at some point. (That's humbling.) Mom worked so hard to finish school, even though she must have often considered giving up.

Six years later, I remember my mom was getting remarried to a man who showed her love and understanding. He was a man who more than once showed me that he was willing to be my father, to even be my dad. And I gave him hell for it, for many years. I bucked his attempts, I yelled and screamed. I remember days, hiding in my room, yelling out that I would not let him be my daddy. But he kept coming back. He never gave up on me and never gave up on Mom.

My step dad taught me that raising a child is not babysitting. He made certain that I got to school and demanded that I work hard throughout the time I was there. He was there for my soccer games, my karate lessons and often gave me gas money when Mom wasn't looking. (*He still tries to do it today.*) I will never forget falling and busting my chin wide open on the gym floor in high school and me calling him to pick me up, because I knew Mom would be a mess about me getting hurt. She got home that night to a bandaged boy with ten new, fancy stitches and her having no idea how it had all happened. My stepfather taught me how to drive a car and made certain that I spent time with my grandparents (a gift for which I will always be thankful).

Having some time to look back on it, I know that I gained confidence in raising my own children from the example that my mother gave to me. I remember her often saying that we, she and I, grew up together. In that time, she taught me what love does and how it never ceases. I was 27 when Ashley and I had our first child and I remember feeling like I was still a scared little boy those first couple of months. Yet, once I recuperated and caught up on some sleep, I realized that our daughter was our very own precious daughter. If my mom could handle it at 16, then I certainly should be able to be a father to this little girl.

From my new (32 years ago!) and best daddy, I have learned about dedication. I can't go back and erase those times that I did that caused him pain. I know I can't fix the hurtful things that I said. Yet, he tried over and over again to remind me that he was on my team. He was there for me. I know however, thanks to his example, that parents just have to take it in the gut sometimes and come up for air when they need it. Certainly, this was a very painful lesson to learn, and it has taken a long time to be able to express it.

In my pocket right now, I have a a Starbucks gift card that he gave me just a few weeks ago. It's all Valentiney and covered in hearts and attached to it is the kindest note, just letting me know he loved me. Pulling that card out when I stop by for a cup of coffee has been just the reminder that I have needed these last few weeks. Remembering the power of a father's love has helped me to strive to be that person, a better person, a simpler person.

My parents stood by me. They made me work to pay for insurance. They made me work to help pay for my college. And then, when it was time, they did the most powerful, most unbelievable thing that a parent must do, they loved me enough to step back, to let go when the time was ready.

Looking down the road, I know that I will need to do that for my children someday. I think about those lessons that my mom learned early on in life. Am I helping my own children to gain independence? I want to help them gain confidence by helping them to find "Whoo-ah!" moments (stolen from the great Pacino's Scent of a Woman). That's what I've been calling those moments where our children gain independence, a feeling of self-worth, an understanding of what it feels like to steer the ship for a while. The gift that my parents gave to me.

Our little girl, now in the sixth grade, just stood up on the stage a few nights ago, in front of a sold-out auditorium at her middle school and lovingly shared her rendition of "Over the Rainbow," a cappella! Now that's gutsy! *Whoo-ah, indeed!*

Link of the day...
http://www.redeemersl.org/pastor-brads-blog/post/parenting:--holding-hands-loosely - a very well-written blog about those parenting steps of holding them up and letting them go

Quote of the day...
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: [Lt. Col. Frank Slade is speaking in defense of Charlie Simms at meeting at the Baird School] "Now I have come to the cross-roads in my life. I always knew what the right path was. Without exception, I knew, but I never took it. You know why? It was too * hard. Now here's Charlie. He's come to the cross-roads. He has chosen a path. It's the right path. It's a path made of principle that leads to character. Let him continue on his journey."

Taken from Scent of a Woman

Bible verse of the day...
“Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land the LORD your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12 (The Fifth Commandment)