Ashley woke to a catch in her back last week and since that her back pain doubled every day until she could no longer stand straight or even consider stepping forward with her left leg. The leg had gone numb except for the burning pain running all the way down it. She went in earlier this week to a clinic and was returned home with hopes that it would clear up by week's end. When it was so much worse, with no sign of relief, we headed to the ER.
And that's where we spent our lovely date together. With nearly 75 other patients, a number of fantastic RNs and a caring PA. Thank God for PAs- Physician Assistants. We have had our fair share of encounters, as we have three active kids, but every time it was a PA who saved the day!
Star-crossed lovers, well-worn parents, we've been together now for nineteen years. Taking time to stare into your spouse's eyes, seeing them in pain and not being able to fix it, takes you to another level of trust. I knew that the PAs would find the solution, the nurses would bring careful watch and the fine folks who were joining us on our journey (all the others in dire need) would wait their turn so that Ashley would get the best possible treatment.
We're at home now and she is quietly sleeping. She made me promise that I wouldn't share anything to social media about the intriguing utterances that she made while experiencing the back pain or during her time on certain pain killers. OK, Dear. I'll keep my promise. Shoot!
However, she did say something to in a moment of lucidity. She mentioned how the Emergency Room is the great leveler. It brings all the patients down to their lowest level. The moment where we finally give in and say,
"I can't do this anymore. I can't make it better. I can't fix it."
In Richard Foster's book, Celebration of Discipline, he marks an entire chapter for the discipline of simplicity. In the chapter, Foster notes that there are inward and outward expressions of simplicity. For today, I will focus on me and what is going on inside.
Foster writes,
"Freedom from anxiety is characterized by three inner attitudes. If what we have we receive as a gift, and if what we have is to be cared for by God, and if what we have is available to others, then we will posses freedom from anxiety."
Walking into that ER, watching other folks during their worst times, sans make up and where pain has overtaken common societal rules like manners..., and us. Just two lost souls trying to figure out how my poor wife could stop having to yell out... "_____ ______________ ____ _____ ____!." Oh, yeah. I forgot. I'm not allowed to share that here. There was a gentleman who had "drunk too much cheap wine," a fragile lady who could not keep from falling down, a young child with a broken arm. In that hospital, looking back on it today, I think I was given a small glimpse at what a day must be like for God. People in need, coming for help. Save us. Fix us. Take it back to normal, God.
In his chapter on simplicity, Richard Foster writes about three three attitudes that we must work towards to gain inner simplicity.
A. "To receive what we (*have) as a gift from God."
(*our daily bread, the air we breathe, water, the sun, the look in your spouses eyes that says "I love you.")
Foster states that, "It takes only a little drought or a small accident to show us once again how utterly dependent we are for everything."
B. "God is able to protect what we posses."
Certainly, we lock our doors at night, we eat healthy and try to exercise and maintain our health, but if we are to loose that anxiety, then we must come to that point where we say, "God, I need you."
To this the author says, "Simplicity means the freedom to trust God for these (and all) things."
and then
C. "To have our goods available to others marks the third inner attitude of simplicity."
We had to wait for our turn, to share the staff. There were many times yesterday, where the Rns and PAs were interrupted mid sentence by another issue, an emergency call on the speaker or an announcement of an incoming patient. Well, we got our wish...that long, dreamy date, while we were waiting. A name it and claim it religion, Christianity is not. God must not be seen as an unlimited claw machine. I put in a quarter, wiggle the handle with a few bars and then get to pull out a cupie doll. Nah, that's not what this is.
Foster writes, "When we come to see God as the almighty Creator and our loving father, we can share because we know that he will care for us.
Jesus said to his disciples "For this reason, I say unto you, do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat, nor for your body, as to what you will put on."
Luke 12:22
Inward simplicity will come when we are willing to let go. I thought often of Brennan Manning and his Ragamuffins yesterday. Many of Manning's writings point to this, that only once we realize that we have nothing to give of our own, nothing to share but what God has given to us, only down-trodden, road weary ragamuffins can find peace. Life is going to throw us some crazy challenges and some interesting questions. The best we can do is to give away that worry and stress. Most everything can wait while you "seek first the kingdom of God."
Going to the ER was not giving up for Ashley. It was her step towards a simpler way of life, without the frustrations and pains that her body was feeling. Today she is resting and on her way to recovery.
Here is a song that I often think of when I come to a turn in the road and I am not certain which direction I should head next. Rich Mullins and his wonderful sense of longing to find God in everything,
Link of the day...
Physician Assistants, Thank you! http://www.aapa.org/
Quote of the day...
"I lay in the bed at the hospital and said, "Let's see what I have left. And I could see, I could speak, I could think, I could read. I simply tabulated my blessings, and that gave me a start."
Dale Evans Rogers
Bible verse of the day...
My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings. Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart. For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.
Proverbs 4:20-22
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